Dvar Torah Parsha Vayigash 5783

Bereishit 44:18- 47:27

Summary:

At the end of our last parsha, Josef had demanded Benjamin stay as his prisoner. In the beginning of this one, Yehudah (Judah) gives a speech about why leaving Benjamin would kill his father, for the other child by Rachel was gone. Yehudah offers himself as slave in trade for restoring Benjamin to his father. Yosef sends away all his entourage, leaving only he and his brothers. He reveals himself to his brothers. He explains while they did sell him into slavery, HaShem had purpose, that he might save them. He tells them to go pass a message to Yaakov to come to Egypt, that they might settle in the land of Goshen. He then hugs Benjamin, and they weep, then he kisses his brothers farewell. Pharoah hears about it and affirms that his family should come to Egypt, and he sends wagons to help the families in their return.

They go back and tell Yaakov. At first, he’s doubtful, but he sees the entourage of wagons etc. and his heart is filled with joy. He tells them they must leave at once so he may see his son before he dies. On the way, he stops at Beersheba, offering sacrifices to HaShem. He is visited by HaShem in a dream who tells him He will make of him a great nation and will bring him back to the land they were promised. What follows is a naming of the people Israel, genealogies of a sort.

When they arrive in Goshen, Yosef goes out to meet them. He and his father hug and weep for some time. Yaakov says now he can die. (Once, physically because he will live on through his descendants.) Yosef tells his brothers that he will report to Pharoah, saying they are shepherds and are staying currently in Goshen. Egyptians abhor shepherds and they will be left in peace. He instructs his brothers if asked by Pharoah, to say they are shepherds. They do so, and Pharoah offers them land in Goshen, and asks their best to look after his livestock. He then meets Yaakov, asking his age and Yaakov says 130.

The famine was horrific, and Yosef exchanged bread for money, then for livestock, and finally for property. He then provides the people seed, one fifth to go to Pharoah, four fifths for the use by the people, and the people Israel multiplied and prospered.

My Thoughts

As I read this parsha, I felt such resonance with my own life experience. It really is all about forgiveness. Before I go into personal experience, let me share Torah offered by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks of blessed memory. He discusses that not all societies then had a concept of forgiveness. The Greeks didn’t, indeed the closest they could come to it was to release the anger felt. Not that I forgive you, but I understand why you did it. Their word for this was sugnome. The first instance for “forgiveness” is found in the Hebrew Bible, with Joseph in our Parsha. Sacks makes the case as follows:

A.Yosef locks the brothers up for three days, then lets them leave all except Simeon causing them to re-enact the journey back to their father to tell him a son is missing. He overhears the brothers lamenting what they had done to him, not knowing it was he nor that he could understand them. That was the first stage of repentance, knowing they had done wrong.

B.Next at another meeting, he slips a goblet into Benjamin’s bag. He has them brought back, says he will let them return, all but Benjamin who must remain a slave. They confess and take communal responsibility. The second stage of repentance is to confess. They did this and more.

C.Finally, Yehudah (Judah) offers himself as slave so Benjamin can go home to the father who would be devastated. Just pausing on this, the character arc of Yehudah who first suggested selling Yosef into slavery, then with Tamar admitted he was wrong, now offers himself as slave, the very thing he had committed against Yosef. Maimonides describes this as complete repentance, when you can do the same thing again, but do not. Behavioral change marks the final stage of repentance.

As a child growing up, there was a lot of rancor between my father and I. There were times I was wrong, and times he was. At the age of 20, a series of events took place that would affect me for years to come. First, an uncle was killed in a car wreck and family members were in Dallas hospitals. One cousin had a closed head injury and I traveled there to help. Then word came my aunt in Arkansas had died. My parents drove to Dallas to pick me up, then off to Arkansas. We returned home in Tyler, and while working on a corral, my dad and I had a huge argument. He drew his fist back and I just stared at him and said just try it. We did not talk after that, and I hopped a bus back to Dallas. He called once, but neither of us were ready to admit wrong and our words were cordial yet sterile. A couple of days later, I got a phone call. It was my mother, crying that daddy had just passed away.

We rushed back to Tyler, I helped arrange the funeral. But not long after his burial, a tremor began in my left hand. For the next several years, it was a recurring event. Until 1984-85 when I entered a 12-step program. Part of that program involves looking back on my life, acknowledging what I did wrong and making amends for the wrong I had done. When I looked at the relationship with my father, I focused not on what he may have done wrong, but what I did. Since he was no longer with us, I set up an empty chair across from me, shared every instance I had been wrong, and prayed for his forgiveness. Then wept. I also shared all of this with another human being as well.

So, what happened? First, an incredible weight lifted from my shoulders. That tremor, well it went away. I’m in no way perfect, but going forward, I work hard not to make those same mistakes again. Every day I do my own little checklist for possible wrongs I might have done and seek to make it right.

Forgiveness, the concept first came in the Hebrew Bible, and the word is first used in the coming parsha after Yaakov passes. In my life, it has sure made a difference. It truly is healing. A final quote by Rabbi Sacks; “Humanity changed the day Yosef Forgave his brothers. When we forgive and are worthy of being forgiven, we are no longer prisoners of the past. The moral life is one that makes room for forgiveness.” ---The Birth of Forgiveness, Jonathan Sacks on Vayigash, 5775

Dvar Parsha Miketz 5783

Bereishit 41:1 to 44:17

Clothing, Teshuvah, and Chanukah

Before going into the Parsha itself, we all know someone, goodness I need to look no farther than myself, who grows through experience. Teshuvah means more than just repentance, rather return to that potential that lies within us all, our inner light, that spark of the divine.

Leading up to this parsha, we saw Josef (Joseph) in his multicolor coat, a tad arrogant with dreams of grandeur. He loses that coat, gain another tunic as a slave, loses that one to enter prison after the incident with Potiphar’ wife. Others showed growth as well. We can talk about that later.

In this week’s parsha, Pharoah dreams of seven healthy cows, who are subsequently eaten by seven gaunt cows. After that he dreams of seven healthy grain sprouts, but behind them are seven weak ones that eat up the healthy ones.

Interesting, in a parsha generally read at Chanukah, seeing a victory of the weak over the powerful. At the point where the prisoner will become second in charge of Egypt, the mightiest people of their time.

Then it speaks of Pharoah standing by the Nile, but the literal Hebrew is “standing over the Nile” Per Etz Chaim, the later Rabbis said this referenced how the Jews serve HaShem, but the Pagans try to control their gods.

Troubled, Pharoah calls the magicians and fortune tellers of his court, but none can explain it. Then the cupbearer recalls his interaction with Yosef and Pharoah summons him. He is given fresh clothes to wear before Pharoah, face and head shaven. Later in verse 42 he is dressed again as his major upgrade in status. He interprets the dreams, seven years of plenty followed by seven of famine, and Yosef gets a new name, Zephenath Paneah, the literal translation is G_d Speaks, He Lives, and a wife as he goes through the land building grain storage silos and supervising the preparations for famine. He bears two sons, Manasseh, and Ephraim.

Well, after the famine begins, people from around the known world come to purchase grain. Including his brothers except Benjamin who stays behind with his father. Yosef recognizes them, but they don’t recognize him. As per his early dreams, they bow low before him. He addresses them harshly, accusing them of conspiring against him. After a night in jail, he says they can go back if one son stays as surety. He tells them they must bring back Benjamin. Shimon (Simeon) is selected to stay behind. They return to Yaakov, telling him all that was said, including finding the money they had paid Pharoah in their bags. Yaakov does not want to send Benjamin back with them. Reuven (Reuben) offers to kill two of his children if something bad happens, but Yaakov pays no attention. What kind of father makes such an offer. Kill his two sons? Seriously? This seems to exclude Reuben from any role of leadership in the family despite his status as first born. After this, we hear no more from Reuben. The stores are depleted. Yaakov says they must return, and he will double the money from before and send additional gifts. Yehudah however speaks up and says they will not return unless Benjamin comes back with them. Going forward it is clear that Yehudah is the leader now.

They return; Yosef sees them with Benjamin and orders the steward to slay a beast and prepare a meal for them all. The brothers tell the steward about the money in their bag, but he says it must be from G_d, for he received payment in full. They enter Yosef’s house and he has them bathed with fresh clothing, then they sit down to eat. Benjamin receives a larger portion. At one point, Yosef leaves to cry then returns to the room. He then provides them with stores. He has money put in their bags, but in Benjamin’s bag, he places his gold goblet. After they leave, the steward rides out, inquiring why would they steal after they were given so much. They must return and the goblet is found in Benjamin’s bag. Josef says they may go, but Benjamin must stay as his slave. The brothers rent their clothing, and the parsha ends.

Our parsha certainly is all about teshuvah. Yosef in his harsh treatment of the brothers force their feelings of the wrong they have done to surface. They begin to feel empathy for the brother they had sold into slavery. Yehudah offers himself responsible for Benjamin, a long cry from the one who so suggested they sell Yosef to the Ishmaelites. The family also seem to have come to accept their father as he is, understanding they are powerless over his inclination to have favorites. Yehudah seems to be the obvious favorite for leadership after Yaakov. Back in the last parsha he showed real growth as a leader when he admitted it was he who was wrong with Tamar.

But let’s get back to the role of clothing and Chanukah. When I was young, I learned that there were ways to present myself for certain roles. For instance, in striving for promotion, looking the part can go aways in helping secure that position. In our parsha, we see Yosef with his coat of many colors, yet it is taken away by his brothers and he is sold into slavery. Later his fine tunic, provided by Potiphar, is stripped away by Potiphar’s wife and her accusation lands him in jail. Then he is dressed to present to Pharoah, and finally garbed as his role as second in command. Or back to Tamar, presenting herself in a cloak to attain her goal. A wonderful commentary written by a woman who calls herself the Velveteen Rabbi offers an interesting perspective. We present outwardly what we know of ourselves inwardly. Illuminating outwardly the divine spark that resides within us.

We present outwardly the light that shines within. At Chanukah, we shine our lights outside the front door or from our windows, symbolic of the light which is the Jewish people. As the light increases over eight days, it is our prayer that our own light grows as well. Over the last few parshat, our characters have grown in many cases, a part of that collective light for our people. May your light shine over these days of our celebration, both with your Chanukiah and within. חג חנוכה שמח Happy Chanukah!

Dvar Torah Parsha Vayeshev 5783

Bereishit 37:1 – 40:23

There is a lot going on in Parsha Vayeshev. First the family dramas. Reuben is the oldest, but born of Leah, and Yaakov preferred Rachel, and after she died, her son Yosef. Yosef early on comes on as obnoxious, brandishing his coat of many colors, telling on his brothers to Yaakov, and telling them dreams that clearly make him top dog. Generally, a brat. So, the other brothers are gone with the flocks and Yaakov sends Yosef to check up on them. They are not at Shechem where they were supposed to be, but a man (or angel) points him in the right direction. They see him coming and plot to kill him. Reuben speaks up and says to throw him in the pit, planning on getting him later. Reuben leaves and Yehuda (Judah) suggests they sell him to some approaching Ishmaelites, taking his tunic and selling him as a slave. Reuben returns, finds him missing and thinking his brother dead, he rents his clothes. They dip the tunic in lamb’s blood and go back to tell Yaakov.

The story is interrupted here, to tell a later story of Yehudah. Here we learn of his marriage to a Canaanite woman. His eldest son Er grows up and Yehuda finds a bride for Er. Her name is Tamar. This son dies, so he tries to get the second oldest, to do his duty and give her child. Onan instead spills his seed early and she doesn’t get pregnant and for this he dies. The third child is promised when old enough, and Tamar is sent to stay with her father. The third when old enough is not sent and Tamar knows this. So, she hears Yehudah is coming to her village. She wears a veil; pretends to be a prostitute and he sleeps with her. In exchange he’ll send a goat, but she demands personal items of his as security. The deed is done. Later, he sends a goat inquiring of the prostitute, but none is known to the villagers. Three months later, he’s informed Tamar is pregnant. He summons her, suspecting her of adultery, demanding she be burned. She shows him the personal items and he declares she is more righteous than he. She has twins, who also struggle in the womb, reminiscent of Yaakov and Esav.

Back to Yosef, he becomes a favorite of Pharoah’s servant Potiphar and is put in charge of the household. But his wife desires him to sleep with her and he refuses. One day when the house is empty, she grabs his garment and he escapes, but she holds the garment. She accuses him of what she has done, and Potiphar sends him to jail. There he’s popular and is put over the other inmates. Two servants of Pharoah, the cupbearer, and the baker are sent to jail. They both have dreams and Yosef interprets. The first will be restored, the other will die. He asks the first to tell Pharoah his predicament, but the cupbearer forgets after he’s freed.

In these various stories, we find imperfect humans with faults we can all identify with. But we also see character arcs of growth and redemption. First there is Yosef, who begins with a knack for leadership, but also a tad arrogant and off putting. Seriously, I can understand why his brothers disliked him so. But through hardship, enslavement and later imprisoned, despite the betrayal by his family, he remembers his people, and while sleeping with Potiphar’s wife might have been tempting, he chose instead to do the right thing. Later it will be he who saves his family and people amidst a terrible famine as Pharoah’s assistant.

Then there is Yehudah. It was he who suggested his brother be sold into slavery. But after the death of two of his three sons, and sending Tamar away to her father, she teaches him by risking her very life, posing as a prostitute wearing a veil to be impregnated by her husband’s father so that she would continue the line. He sees the err of his ways, and becomes according to Rabbi Jonathan Sacks of blessed memory, and I can’t remember any other, the first man in Torah to admit he was wrong. Furthermore, it was Yehudah who proposed selling his brother Yosef into slavery that later offered himself as slave to save his brother Benjamin. That is no small thing. Recognizing our failures, looking to community, and doing teshuvah is essential for creating that better world around us.

How about Tamar? She risked her life to have those twins, and from her offspring would result the line of David. I can’t help but reflect on the relationship between her and another outsider woman whose line led to King David, none other than the Moabite Ruth.

Let’s not also forget Reuben. He was the firstborn, but his mother was Leah, growing up in the family drama where his mother was unloved by Yaakov, and after her death, Yosef became the favorite. But despite all of this, Reuben is the one who spoke out against the murder of their brother, and who intended to come back and retrieve him.

We grow through our own adversities, through recognizing our own failures and in the process, building within us the capacity for chesed, loving kindness. In encountering those who are in those difficult times, our own capacity for compassion grows. For our Jewish people to become ready to work to repair the world, our Patriarchs and Matriarchs and the tribe Israel had to learn these traits. That was passed on through the generations. Torah offers both the successes and the failures from which we learn. As we do our work, sitting Shivas, offering food for the sick and those in need, offering simple acts of kindness, such as a well written card, or a ride to shul, or a hug, phone call or visit to let them know we see their pain and we are there for them, it can make a world of difference for that person, but also the one who shows compassion. Working together for each other, we all benefit, the afflicted and the good souls who share loving kindness. For that we can say, Baruch HaShem!

@Vayeshev @Dvar Vayeshev @Joseph @Tamar @Judah @Parsha Vayeshev

Dvar Torah Vayishlach 5783

Genesis 32:4-36:43

Summary

Our parsha begins where Yaakov (Jacob) has been told to return home. He sends word to his brother Esav (Esau) that he is coming and seeks his favor. He tells him he has acquired herds and flocks and servants. The messengers return saying Esav knows he’s coming and is coming to meet him, along with 400 men.

So, after the tricks played on his brother in the past, Yaakov is afraid and divides his entourage into two camps. If his brother slays one, the other can escape. He prays to HaShem that night, then sent ahead a generous offering of gifts to Esav, one drove of animals after another separated by space, working into the night to cross the ford at the Jabbok. He then moved his wives and children to another camp.

He stays behind, where he wrestles with a man in the wee hours, until daybreak, seeing he cannot prevail, he touches Yaakov’s hip joint and dislocates it. He wants to go, but Yaakov will not let him leave unless this person/angel blesses him. He says he will no longer be called Yaakov, but Israel, for in wrestling and prevailing against beings human and divine. He is no longer the trickster, but the leader of a people.

Yaakov meets his brother, and they hug, together weeping as Esav meets Yaakov’s family. Yaakov insists that his brother keep the gifts he has been offered. Esav offers to escort his brother back, but Yaakov opts to stay behind and move at his own pace. He travels to Sukkoth and builds booths for his dwellings. Then he travels to a nearby city and bought some land from the sons of Hamor where he built a memorial. On this memorial he declares, “HaShem is the G_d of Israel.”

Dinah, daughter of Leah, goes out to explore the land. Shechem, son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the land sees Dinah and rapes her. He then asks his father to take her for his wife. Yaakov and the men of the tribe are filled with sorrow and anger. Meanwhile, Hamor asks permission for Dinah to marry Shechem and offers a large dowry.

Speaking for their father, Shimon and Levi say that is impossible, to give Dinah to someone uncircumcised. So, the son and father and all the men among the Hivites became circumcised. On the third day while the men are in pain and weakened, Shimon and Levi go in and kill all the men including the son who raped Dinah. They took the property and took the women and children captive. Yaakov is concerned, saying his sons have brought dishonor to them among the tribes in Canaan and he fears they will attack. He has the captives purify themselves, burying their gods beneath an oak tree.

HaShem tells Yaakov to go to Beth-El, live there and make an alter to HaShem. Yaakov does so and pours a libation upon it. HaShem again tells him his name is Israel. He then sets out, but along the way, Rachel is having difficulty giving birth to a son Ben-Oni, but Yaakov calls him Benjamin. As he is born, Rachel breathes her last. One can’t help but recall Yaakov’s statement earlier re: the gods of her father. She is buried on the road to Bethlehem. He travels on to his father’s lands in Hebron. Itzhak dies at 180 years old, and Esav moves away for the wealth between the two brothers was too great and the land could not sustain them.

Commentary:

There is so much I could comment on in this parsha. Clearly the journey to see his brother, as he wrestles with his past, not to mention an angel in which he wrestles and prevails and is renamed.

But I thought I might focus a moment on Dinah. Women in Torah barely get mentioned. Her mention as a daughter was in passing, with no explanation of her name as it was her brothers. Indeed, she’s the only daughter mentioned among the Patriarchs though surely, they did not only produce boys. Perhaps the only reason she was mentioned earlier at all was as background to the telling of her rape later.

We see she leaves camp to meet the other women in Sukkoth, when she encounters Shechem, son of the king Hamor. He is taken by her beauty, and based on the description in Torah, he rapes her. He takes her back to his home, and his father sends word to Yaakov that he is willing to offer a sizeable dowry to seal their marriage. Yaakov is angry of course, that this happened to his daughter. Yet he seems rather detached in terms of any action, leaving that to his sons.

At this point, I wonder, because Torah does not tell us. What are Dinah’s feelings? What does she think of this man who took her, sexually and then physically holds her at the king’s palace? Per Torah, the Women’s Commentary, she is already well on her way to being married, and even though she’s rescued by her brothers, she still no longer holds the status of unmarried virgin, which is important within the patriarchal culture. It also has reduced her bride price going forward should she ever marry. Even today, we hear how a father or husband feel after a rape while too often the feelings of the victim go unspoken. Dinah’s voice in this seems singularly unimportant to the storyteller. Per Rabbi Aviva Richman of Hadar, we have a clear expression of Shechem’s feelings, but not of Dinah’s. Her silence was born of the stigma attached to what had transpired, as if it were her fault. Rivka Luvitz in her Midrashim of Dinah, Durshuni Vol 1 relates the stigma resulting in silence:

“…Also, it says, ‘He lay with her and humbled her’ and it does not say ‘Dinah screamed’. Would you ever have thought that Dinah wouldn’t scream? Rather she was like a mute…because of the pain and shame she became silent and still.”

This one hit home to me. This past week, neighbors had been fighting. I’d hear the man yelling and berating her endlessly, but not a sound from her. I had suspected abuse for some time because he seemed to keep her isolated and away from others. Indeed, only the day before, I met her in our common hallway, and only a few minutes later, he was screaming at her. Anyway, on this particular day, I heard the police. She had texted her sister for help, and they had to break down two doors to get in. She had injuries sufficient to send her to the hospital. The thing is, had she only screamed just one time, I’d have called the cops in a heartbeat. But she endured it all in silence. Was that silence borne of shame? A shame sourced from years of being ignored as a woman.

We do know how the sons felt. Shimon and Levi are furious that their sister was raped by a Canaanite. But they hatch a plan. A child of Israel may not marry someone who is not circumcised. So Hamor agrees that he and all the men of the village will be circumcised. On the third day with the men healing and in pain, the brothers go and kill all the men including the rapist, then take the women and children as captives.

For the first time, Yaakov speaks up, chastising the brothers for what they have done. He fears repercussions from the other kings within Canaan. So as the leader of his people, he had to look beyond just his own feelings in the matter of possible political fallout from the actions of Shimon and Levi. He even later will curse them for that action. But did he secretly see the trickster that had been his younger self in his sons? Did that possible shame elicit the response in that moment? He must have known you can’t just walk in and take Dinah back from the king, and ordinarily the brothers would not have been able to do so, unless trickery as we saw here was deployed. Alas we will never know Yaakov’s true feelings here. I know how I would feel if some fool had done this to my daughter.

This I know. The very problems stemming from patriarchy, inequality, shame can still be found today. When I grew up, most women were stay at home moms. A woman could not get a credit card on her own. Today women work, but make less money, endure far too often man-splaining, and male privilege is still a thing. True equality remains a dream. We can celebrate the advances made to date while still working for the dream of that better world. Dinah remains that cautionary story within a time when the women of Iran are fighting for that dream in one of the world’s more patriarchal nations. May they find real success. Baruch HaShem!