Dvar Torah Parsha Vayechi 5783

Bereishit 37:28-50:26

With Parsha Vayechi, we end the book of Bereishit (Genesis.) Yaakov (Jacob) is ending his time on earth. He calls his son Yosef (Joseph) and meets Yosef’s sons Ephraim and Menashe. In keeping with past blessings, it is not the eldest who gets the greater blessing. Contrary to past tradition, it is the first-time grandchildren are blest by a patriarch. He then offers blessings to all his children, with Simeon and Levi not faring so well, and with Judah and Yosef winning the blessings sweepstakes. You can feel the familial tension in this moment. Rabbi Jonathan Sacks of blessed memory notes that it was remarkable in this time for him to even be able to gather all his sons together, and in the first chapter of Shemot (Exodus), for the first time the Israelites are described as a people. It’s clear here, that family trumps everything. Yaakov dies and Yosef ensures he is returned with Pharoah’s permission to Hebron for burial.

After the death of Yaakov, the brothers fear Yosef will exact revenge for selling him into slavery. They reach out to him with a white lie of sorts saying Yaakov had said he had hoped they would forgive the brothers before he died. Anyway, he assured them they had nothing to fear, and he would sustain them going forward.

Some years later, Yosef is about to die, and he asks all his brothers to ensure that when the time came to return his bones to Hebron when they finally left Egypt. He is embalmed and buried.

One thing I love most about the Tanach (Hebrew Bible) has to do with how real, how human the characters are. We began Bereishit in the first parsha with fratricide, later the binding of Isaac, the struggles between Yaakov and Esav, and here the day-to-day interactions of brothers, together at their father’s deathbed, and later emerging as a people.

Reading the blessings by Yaakov, I thought back to my own experiences growing up. Early in life, my grandfather on my mother’s side passing in his rural Arkansas home, his body stretched out on the kitchen table, and we all gathered around to hear stories about him. Later, my grandpa on Dad’s side, dying of brain cancer. Each of his many sons and daughters went in once at a time, where he would share his carefully thought-out message. Then each of us grandkids did the same.

I was raised that family was everything. Unfortunately, my gender transition proved to be a deal breaker for many. Fortunately, a few have been returning into my life. I’m thrilled that my brother and I are speaking again. I pray for the day my daughter will as well. Perhaps this is why I love the stories of Bereishit. They are stories I can relate to, characters living the very brokenness that surrounds me. Imperfect, messy, these are my people!

Conflict is messy, and reconciliation is too often too little and incomplete. The brothers did a terrible thing in selling their brother into slavery, but their apology was not out of remorse, rather out of fear. First the fake story about their father, but also the request in third person. Yosef understood this I think, and while he assures them that they are forgiven and that it happened according to Hashem’s plan, he also lets them know it is he who is responsible for sustaining them. Despite the imperfection, they remained together, a people, the people of the Book.

With the families of the Patriarchs and Matriarchs, family politics are a messy matter. Bereishit (Genesis) was all about learning to get together as a family and becoming a people. Once learning how to do that, we can move to Exodus and our birth as a nation. Again, from Rabbi Sacks, “I believe that family is the birthplace of freedom. Caring for one another, we learn to care for the common good.” I would add, it’s imperfect and messy, but this is real life, not a Hallmark romance. We learn from those who went before us, how to care for each other, how to do teshuvah (forgiveness). In caring for each other, we move towards that better world.

My prayer for you and me. May any rifts in family be healed and hearts open to others. The work is not easy, but may we have the strength to engage. Shabbat Shalom!