Bamidbar 13:1 – 15:41
Codependent on G_d? Or Trauma?
Our parsha this week is Shelach Lecha. In our parsha, lots happen. One is sending 12 scouts to check out Canaan. They return saying that indeed the land is a rich one of milk and honey, with grapes, pomegranates and figs. But ten of the 12 sent there say it is a land of giants, and the cities are powerful and well-fortified. It would, they say, be too difficult to conquer. Only Caleb and Joshua dissent. The people begin wailing, again arguing why did they leave Egypt. Caleb and Joshua rend their clothes, pleading they can defeat these people. Moshe and Aaron fall on their faces in prayer. They must not rebel against Hashem! G_d is furious and threatens to wipe out these people. Moshe though pleads for them, reminding Hashem that if this threat is carried out, it will be said elsewhere that their G_d could not control his people.
Adonai promises to spare the people, but they must wander the desert until most of the adults who left Egypt have died. The ten unfaithful spies are struck down on the spot from a plague, but Caleb, Joshua, and the Levites are spared. They must wander for 40 years, one year for each day spent on the scouting mission. After hearing this, some decide to march on Canaan anyway, but as Moshe warned, they were struck down by the Amalekites and Canaanites for Hashem was not with them.
Moshe then learns from Hashem what they must do upon entering the land, a set of laws to be followed. All except the last is about sacrifices. We hear of offering the first dough (Challah) and the wearing of tzitzit. Just before that, the story is told of the wood gatherer who violates Shabbat and is stoned by the community. The law of wearing tzitzit perhaps is there to remind him not to do that.
So what’s with these 10 of 12 men who warned against entering the land? Plague seems a heavy price for what they did. According to Etz Chaim, the Torah period is marked by two flagrant sins: worshiping the golden calf and the lack of faith by the scouts sent to check out the land of Canaan. According to Maimonides, the time was needed to be schooled in courage. Only when the enslaved people died off would the people be ready.
Now we know that certainly the land had been promised to them by Hashem. So why were they fearful? Had they not already witnessed the miracles by Adonai, including leading them out of Israel and later prevailing against those who attacked them? Rabbi Jonathan Sacks of blessed memory in one dvar argues it was not a lack of courage or confidence or faith. Rather they misunderstood their role. The Torah never uses the word “spy”, rather to just see what all was going on in the land. They behaved rather as spies, seeking out the hardships and hence the negative report which caused the people to lament and doubt.
The Lubavitch Rebbe suggests something quite different, however. One that resonates with this writer as well. Those sent were not picked at random, rather they were tribal leaders, not given to fear. They were not afraid of failure, rather success. For all this time, the people had roamed the desert, and Hashem had given them Torah, food, sustenance, and in constant contact with the Shechinah in their presence every step of the way. They knew when they entered the land, they would then be responsible for their own sustenance, worrying about crops, maintaining an army, everything that is needed to responsibly hold together a community. They were afraid of success and the change it would bring about. They did not understand that Adonai required what Midrash calls “a dwelling in the lower worlds.” Our role as Jews was to live, relate in the real world as a model for others. Imperfect, messy, not an isolated existence in the desert. Mishnah Avot 2:2 maintains that “Torah study without an occupation will in the end fail and lead to sin.”
While this explanation resonates, I might add another factor as well. All these leaders and they people who complained had lived under harsh servitude under the Egyptians. Indeed, these very leaders were chosen because they had endured floggings to prevent the people under them being flogged as well. That they left Egypt at all was remarkable, but still there were obstacles to overcome including crossing the Reed Sea and fierce battles with Amalek. In Egypt, they were dependent on their Egyptian masters, and in the desert, dependent upon Hashem for food and water. In short, personal responsibility such as described by the Lubavitch Rebbe was daunting.
But also, imagine for a moment what trauma they carried within their souls from all they had experienced. I can speak with some authority on how trauma shapes a person. I’m a trans woman who transitioned many years ago. I lost family and friends, and to this day I remember a confrontation I had with a police officer in the women’s restroom. But there were other traumas too. Bullied as the queer kid in my childhood. Like choking in a public speaking engagement at age 13, and I was not able to confront it head on until this year, at age 75. Nowhere near the trauma experienced by these Israelites, but they have shaped me in in so many ways.
I do not agree with Hashem’s decision to kill them, even as I do understand the requirement for that generation to pass on, even if they were leaders. In today’s world we view those who have experienced trauma in a different light. There are counseling opportunities for those who experienced traumatic situations, counseling for PTSD. In the time this parsha was written though, none of that existed. These people looked like giants to these leaders, despite G_d’s promise that the land would be theirs. It meant forty years wandering the desert. Joshua and Caleb experienced trauma differently, offering hope and faith. Keys for us to heal or at least grow from our traumatic experiences. But I must wonder, how might I have seen these people in the land of Canaan, having experienced what these men had gone through? Also, a question to ponder. What might the response have been if women were sent to scope out this land? Baruch Hashem!
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