Dvar Torah Parsha Ki Teitzei 5783

Devarim 21:10 – 25:19

If Their Ass Falls, Together Lift It

Ki Teitzei translated “when you go out” contains a wide range of criminal, civil, and family laws. Unlike the last parsha that focused on the judges and those who administer the laws, this parsha is all about laws applicable to ordinary folks. These laws can range from rules if you marry a prisoner of war, giving her time first to mourn her parents to disloyal children (this one says they must be stoned). What to do if an ox or sheep goes astray, laws against cross dressing and you know I took this one on last year in this parsha.

Then there are rules not to move a fledgling or egg if the mother is present. I confess that as a child gathering eggs for my grandma, I violated this rule more than once. It talks about building a parapet around your roof less someone fall, and you incur bloodguilt. Then there are rules regarding marriage, premarital sex, rules around virginity. Adonai forbid if you marry an Ammonite or Moabite (later interpreted to be males since it was Ruth the Moabite who married into the tribe of Israel, and she was an ancestor to King David. There are rules to keep a military camp pure, such as leaving camp to defecate, protecting slaves who run from their foreign master and how we must not mistreat them. So many other rules as well, laws designed to govern day to day life in early Israel. Culminating with the reminder to always remember Amalek.

This dvar besides a blog entry is written for delivery in my Caring Committee. It has proven a bit of a challenge to share a message pertinent for this purpose. Always though up for a challenge, I decided to focus on this passage. Devarim 22:4 says “Do not see your kinsman’s donkey or his ox fallen on the road and ignore it. Help him lift it up.” Oxen or donkeys once were used to carry heavy loads, and occasionally one would slip and fall, unable to get back up because of the heavy weight they were carrying. In such case the animal would need to be unloaded, lifting it up and then reloading it. Of course, we no longer in our modern time need to deal with collapsed donkeys or oxen. But there is an underlying principle here. We are called to look out for each other.

In 2018, Rabbi Jonathan Sacks in his dvar shared a lovely story about this. He and his wife were being driven to the Catskills when their driver shared a story. One Friday afternoon, the driver was making his way to join his family in the Catskills. He saw a man wearing a kippah, bending over his car along the road. One of his tires was flat and he was about to replace his flat tire. The driver pulled over and helped him replace the tire and wished him “Good Shabbos.” The man thanked him, taking his kippah off and put it in his pocket. The driver apparently had a quizzical look, so the man explained, “Oh I’m not Jewish. It’s just that I know if I’m wearing one of these” gesturing towards the yarmulke, - “someone Jewish will stop and help me.”

The sages debated the reason for this command about fallen oxen or donkey. Some held it was for the welfare of the animal. Rambam felt that it was for the safety of the animal’s owner as the roads could be risky at the time. But more recent queries lead to what can be called an accumulation of what is referred to as social capital. The more we look out for each other, the more we find ourselves surrounded by people with our interests at heart, it translates to a necessary component of a good society. Per Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, it is a “wealth that has nothing to do with money and everything to do with the level of trust within a society.”

I reflect on my own experiences in this lifetime. It was August 10, 1997, when my partner Skip died as I held him in my arms. Only two weeks later, a dear friend collapsed and died in my arms. My community surrounded me and held me up when I could not do so myself. Or when just over a year ago, folks from Shir Tikvah sent cards after I was hospitalized. We lift each other up when one faces hardship or loss. That is what we do. Giving rides, sitting shiva, providing meals, visitations, all the things that move our relationships from loneliness to community. In these acts of chesed, loving kindness, we are all enriched. Together, we can make our world a better place.

Baruch Hashem!